Ask Phyllis: a blog series of frequently asked real estate questions.
Avoiding a Pre-Nup
Dear Phyllis,
I enjoy your real estate column and believe I have a new topic for you. We started a savings fund for our daughter when she was born. My husband and I each added $500 yearly and deposited her birthday and Christmas money. She wants to buy a condominium on the West Side that is closer to her work. Of course, we will need to add to her down payment because of the high prices. She has been dating someone we like but is not as financially settled as my daughter. If she were to marry him and bring so much more to the table financially other than a prenup, how can we best safeguard her interests without insulting anyone?
Mama Bear
Dear Mama,
First, thank you for being a loyal reader—I’m so glad you’ve found the column helpful! Second, congratulations to you and your husband on thoughtfully planning for your daughter’s future.
This is an excellent question. I recently worked with a family facing a similar situation. In their case, it involved helping their daughter purchase a townhome in Montrose. Like you, they offered a large sum to help with the down payment.
To protect their contribution while respecting the daughter’s autonomy, the parents chose to go on title as co-owners with their daughter, holding a 50% interest in the home. This structure gave them peace of mind. They felt that if their daughter eventually married and, down the line, experienced a divorce, only her fifty percent interest (or perhaps half of that, depending on laws and timing) would be potentially at risk, rather than the full value of the home.
They also felt this arrangement didn’t raise red flags with their daughter’s partner because it was framed as a family investment — not a lack of trust. Some families even create a promissory note to formalize the “gift” as a loan, which is forgiven over time or under certain conditions.
I strongly recommend consulting with a family law attorney and possibly a real estate attorney. They can help tailor a plan that meets your goals while keeping family harmony intact.
I wish you and your daughter all the best as she takes this exciting step.
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